30 things I wish someone had told me about grief

Grief is a universal human experience that can leave us feeling lost, overwhelmed and alone. Whether we have lost a loved one, a pet, or something else that was important to us, grief can be one of the most challenging experiences we face in life. It can take us through a range of intense emotions and impact every aspect of our lives.   

By understanding what to expect, we can better prepare ourselves for the journey ahead and find the support and comfort we need.  

1. Grief is  complex and personal and affects everyone differently.  

2. It's not something that you can "fix" or "move on" from in a set amount of time.  

3. You may experience a wide range of emotions, including anger, guilt, and depression.  

4. You may also experience physical symptoms like fatigue and changes in appetite.  

5. It's okay to feel overwhelmed and to reach out for support.  

6. It's okay to want to be alone sometimes.  

7. It's normal to experience triggers that bring up feelings of grief, even years later.  

8. You may experience feelings of guilt for not feeling or thinking "correctly" about your loss.  

9. You may feel like you're not living up to others' expectations or your own expectations for how you should be grieving.  

10. Your relationship with the person who died may change as you grieve and adjust to life without them.  

11. You may feel angry with the person who died for leaving you.  

12. You may feel angry with others who are still alive.  

13. Grief can affect your relationships with family and friends.  

14. It's okay to take care of yourself during this time, including taking time off work or finding ways to cope with stress.  

15. You may find comfort in participating in rituals or memorials for your loved one.  

16. You may also find comfort in writing about your experiences or sharing your feelings with others.  

17. Grief can impact your spiritual or religious beliefs.  

18. You may experience feelings of isolation and loneliness.  

19. You may feel like others don't understand what you're going through or like they're not listening to you.  

20. You may feel like no one else has gone through what you're experiencing.  

21. You may also feel like others are grieving "better" or "more correctly" than you are.  

22. Grief can affect your sleep, energy levels, and motivation.  

23. It's important to take care of your physical health during this time, including eating well and getting enough rest.  

24. You may feel like you need to "stay strong" for others, but it's okay to reach out for support and let others help you.  

25. You may find that you need to make changes in your life after your loss, such as finding a new job or moving to a new place.  

26. It's okay to find joy in life again, even after your loss.  

27. You may experience a sense of emptiness or a loss of purpose.  

28. You may also feel like you have to start a new chapter in your life.  

29. It's okay to seek professional help if you need to, whether it's a therapist, a grief counsellor, or a support group.  

30. Your grief is unique to you and that it's okay to grieve in your own way and on your own timeline.  

Grief is a complex and deeply personal process that affects everybody in different ways, it's important to remember you are not alone. Whether it's reaching out for support from friends, family, or a professional, there are resources available to help us navigate this difficult time. Be kind to yourself and give yourself permission to grieve in your own way and on a timeline that works for you.   

RELATED ARTICLE: Anxiety: The missing stage of grief

Remember that grief is a journey, not a destination, and that it's okay to take the time you need to heal. By keeping the list of 30 things in mind, we hope you can better understand what to expect from the grieving process and find the comfort and support you need along the way.  

"It's okay. It's okay to miss them. It's okay to cry. It's okay to laugh. It's okay to breathe deeply. It's okay to smile when you think of them. It's okay to function. It's okay to be angry. It's okay to be thankful. It's okay to love again. It's okay to remember. It's okay to hope. It's okay, to be honest. It's okay to trust again. It's okay. It's okay. It's okay." - Lexi Behrndt  

To find support:  

Beyond Blue provides Australians with information and support to improve their mental health. Call 1300 22 46 36 or visit beyondblue.org.au for more information.  

Lifeline Australia provides Australians experiencing a personal crisis with access to 24-hour crisis support. Call 13 11 14 or visit lifeline.org.au for more information.  

GriefLine listens, cares and supports people experiencing loss and grief, at any stage in life. Call 1300 845 6am to midnight AEST, 7 days a week.  

MensLine Australia is a professional telephone and online support and information service for Australian men. Call 1300 78 99 78, 24 hours / 7 days a week.  

Kids Helpline is a free 24/7, confidential and private counselling service Australia wide specifically for children and young people aged 5 to 25 years. Call 1800 55 1800.  

Life Supports Counselling provides Australians with experienced counsellors & psychologists in their local area Australia-wide. Call 1300 735